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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Why Schools Are Better Today



It's become sort of fashionable for older people to insist that education was better when they were young and that kids today are stupid. Sure, SAT scores have dropped so much they have to recalibrate them every 10 years, but that's book knowledge. When it comes to practical, common-sense street smarts young people today are much smarter than I ever was. Or my parents. Why do I say that? Because kids today have sex like hopped-up bunnies. Just this week we have stories about students getting into trouble for oral sex in the classroom and then we have these entrepreneurial college guys who didn't want to go find a stripper so they got some girl down the hall to do it.

And that's without the other stories about students seducing female teachers and lots more. What does it tell you? Young people have figured out how to get laid. I can't wait to see these guys running companies. The corporate world is absolutely nothing compared to the difficulty of trying to get laid as a teenager.

School officials, who spent decades insisting teaching children how to have sex would lead to less sex, are a little aghast. They even went to the stripper and asked if she had been coerced or forced in any way so they could press charges and pretend they had some morality. She said "no", she was okay with it and the pictures all over the internet. See what I mean? Not only are today's youth going to make sure America stays out in front of the world business community by being crafty and smart, they will be unapologetic about it.

If you want to see the free amateur college stripper, go here. And you're a perv.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 9:16 AM
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