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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

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7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

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5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Why Journalists Look Dopey A Lot More Than They Used To



Because they write articles like this with lead sentences that begin;

"It is known that the risk of death in adults with diabetes is approximately twofold that of the general population."

Huh??? I'm no scientist but - wait, yes I am. So therefore I know that the risk of death for every person in the world is already 100%. You are all going to die. Saying I am twice as likely to die if I have diabetes is just annoying when I know I am going to die anyway. Why not die convulsing behind the wheel of my car, so I can take a few Asian drivers with me? At least that would be funnier than living to be 107 and crapping on my floor.

Now, this was someone writing for Reuters. They're British, so I'm not surprised they have such little grasp of the English language, but isn't there at least an editor there reading this stuff before they submit copy?

I am writing this crap for free and I have better command of sentence structure and the basics than these jacklegs. And I would have let it go except they basically say the same thing over and over again and make the same mistake.

Sometimes I make the same mistakes over and over, like buying that bad of Cheez-Doodles and insisting I won't eat the whole damn thing. But I have a genetic imbalance. What is Reuters' excuse?

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 5:16 PM
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