Would Female Orgasms Kill Men?

Always thought women were the stronger sex? Okay, I admit it, me too.   But I am inclined to be a little skeptical when someone pimping their book cites ancillary evidence rather than studies so even if the logic is good I tend to maintain a healthy disbelief.   Ryuichi Kaneko and Dr. Kunio Kitamura, two of the co-authors of "Sex no Subete ga Wakaru Hon (Everything You Need to Know About Sex)" write in the Mainichi Daily News:   When an orgasm has been achieved through sex, you can measure theta waves. These are also said to cause the "running high" feeling of euphoria experienced sometimes by marathon runners. If theta waves are taken as a criterion, the entire brain emits theta waves when women reach an orgasm that are close on 10 times stronger than when men climax. So, if theta waves are an indication of an orgasm's strength, then women experience an orgasm that is physically impossible for men to go through. Putting it a little crudely, if the intensity of a woman's orgasm was played through a man's brain, there's a danger that the shock to his system would kill him. That risk makes it impossible to experiment on a man at the moment. And men can never become women.   That's right, people - the theta waves for women are 10X what they are for men.  This explains why some women have had actual vaginal explosions when dating scientists - there is only so much pleasure even women can sustain.   But let's examine this theta waves business.  It's accepted that delta and theta activity in the autonomic nervous system will increase during pleasurable events but because it's sex, and sex is difficult to map subjectively, I don't want to just assume cause and effect.  I decided to go off the map and read up on Kundalini, which Hindus say is the coiled up energy at the base of the spine in the root Chakra.   Gopi Krishna says this Kundalini is terrific stuff and accounts for almost everything.       In Kundalini And Sex they write: According to a principle called reciprocal innervation, an extremely high activation of the frontal hypothalamus and thus of the parasympathetic system, will create an overflow of energy activating the posterior hypothalamus which stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. This will make the energy rise to higher centers and this process is accompanied by very fast activity in the EEG (beta and gamma wave frequencies up to at least 42Hz).    That's right.  You have sex at DC.   It fell on, naturally, the Japanese to introduce a whole slew of products that use electricity to impact these waves in a direct fashion.  The links are not safe for work so I don't include any them here.  I even found an article discussing theta waves by Robert Anton Wilson, famous for co-authoring The Illuminatus Trilogy.   What I could not find was a study showing any kind of direct correlation; namely, something showing anything beyond theta wave increase being a by-product.   If one is out there, I am sure one of the experts at Scientific Blogging will let me know.  So at least given current studies it's scientifically unproven that a female orgasm would kill men.  Yes, men are wussies in lots of ways, but we can handle sex.   In the meantime, women can continue to have those spectacular theta-driven orgasms and I can continue to write about them.   Because every woman wants a man writing this article about her orgasms.

The Scientific Guide To Dating

I just learned that Hilary Swank and some guy named Chad Lowe ( i.e. nobody ) are getting a divorce after a long separation.   I have to tell you I saw this coming. Did I see this coming because she has an Oscar and forgot to mention him when she received it? No. Did I see it coming because a girl who looks like this should have stepped up to someone who does not look like her little sister a long time ago? No, that's not it either, but a good guess. After all, studies have shown that if you look more feminine than your wife, she will find a man instead. Science rules when it comes to finding out stuff like that. Swank recognizes she erred by not consulting science the first time around. Says her: "I make mistakes; I'm not some squeaky-clean person here." You heard it here first, folks. She needs discipline and is a dirty girl. The line forms after me. Anyway, we are here to talk about relationships and Hilary Swank tanking her starter marriage is just the catalyst. After years of research, study and empirical analysis, science is ready to give you some scientific rules: Rule #1 - For men. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The average response in our surveys was 4. The actual number as disclosed by the friends of the women in the surveys was 11. Rule #2 - For women. If you are a call girl ( read: prostitute, only more expensive ) you don't need to write to Dear Abby to get advice, you can just ask me; and my answer is you are better off not telling your boyfriend. It's unlikely he is going to be happy with this fact. Guys, even if your wife/girlfriend is not a call girl, if all of her male friends call her 'baby' and compliment her body and she tells you to ignore them, you have a problem. That goes for the internet too; if she is spending her nights in chat rooms instead of giving you sweet lovin', you are the dumbest guy on planet Earth. The best part about that last sentence; 11 women I know will read it and think I am talking about them. Rule #3 - For men. It is impossible to trust the girl who gives you the best blow job of your life. This needs no explanation. Rule #4 - For men again, because we need more advice. If your girlfriend is a call girl and you dumped her and met a new girl be creative in how you pursue her. For example, if you were the seventh guy in a weekend porno shoot and never got to talk to your bukkake queen, you can always put an ad on Craig's List and invite her for coffee. It works. I got my first STD that way. The porno shoot, I mean, not Craig's List. Though I bet you can find those on Craig's List too. That site has everything. Mostly relationships take trust and that requires honesty but, since you can't always expect honesty, you should rely on science instead. Here are some facts to get you through the tough times, courtesy of the Harlequin Romance Report 2006: * British and Australian men drink too much. And admit it. That means they drink a lot more than they are admitting. So if you date one of them, don't start complaining about it. * 80% of Brazilian and Mexican men lied about their relationship status. Why would they bother? Brazilian and Mexican women assume they are lying and don't care. Telling the truth might be a goldmine. Kind of like being a straight guy in San Francisco. Sure, women may assume you are gay at first but ... * 70% of German women lied about their relationship status. Which tells you what you need to know about German men. On the other hand, with 70% of German women you can't tell what gender they are anyway. * 50% of Italian and German men lied about income to attract the opposite sex. This explains why most German women continue to shop around. It doesn't explain anything at all about Italian men that you didn't already know. Namely, that they are hound dogs. I went to Italy with Lady Scientist and had to walk next to her with a hockey stick to keep them from "Buongiorno"-ing her every five seconds. * 40% of Portugese men rated intelligence over appearance. Not a single Australian respondent said that. So we know that 40% of Portugese lie and that Australian men are honest about both their drinking and that they only like you for your looks. Which is scary, if you have seen Australian women. * 63% of men and women in the USA specified humor as the most important factor in their attraction to the opposite sex. Which tells you that this survey is full of crap. 73% of Canadians said the same thing, so at least Americans aren't as full of crap as Canadians. There you have it - science data and solid advice to help you in your relationships. Remember, in any marriage you are going to be either Chad Lowe or Hilary Swank. Choose wisely.

A Population Crisis The Left And Right Can Agree On

Population science is more art than science so you can count on me to be a little skeptical. However, there are times when the numbers are just too alarming and we have to mobilize for action. What is this looming population catastrophe? It's Elvis impersonators. Even the Center for Disease Control has sounded the alarm about this issue. If the CDC is worried about an issue, so am I. When Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were an estimated 37 Elvis impersonators in the world. By 1993, there were 48,000 Elvis impersonators, an exponential increase. Extrapolating from this, by 2010 there will be 2.5 billion Elvis impersonators. The population of the world will be 7.5 billion by 2010. Every 3rd person will be an Elvis impersonator by 2010. Source: Caen, H., San Francisco Chronicle; October 27, 1993 That's right, people. 1 in 3. We don't have a lot of time to act. Now, there will be skeptics and I recognize that. There will always be skeptics and I am usually first in line. I can understand why there is some skepticism on the causes of global warming. After all, most of us don't live on the coast and we don't think we need to change our lives so that Barbra Streisand can block off swaths of public beach and have a nice view. This is not to say we don't know that global warming is happening. It is obviously happening: Oops, that isn't global warming. That's global sexiness. And I can understand why people aren't concerned about genetically modified foods. Hey, I don't mind fake breasts on women so I don't see why they would bother me on chicken. But this Elvis impersonator business is serious stuff. Look at this graph: Hockey sticks do not lie, my friends. I will finish with a quote from the outstanding scientists at Annika's Journal: The Elvis impersonator crisis is real, humans are causing the problem, and the solutions are available to us now. It is not too late to avoid the worst. All that is needed is the political will to act. Amen. If someone at the UN tells me I have to be an Elvis impersonator you can bet I am writing me some letters to my Congressman. And pies. I want more pies.

Yes,Vagina, There Is A Santa Claus

Seriously, I did not originate that headline. Clearly, I have nothing against vaginas, since I wrote articles talking about how women were using evolution to create two vaginas and enchant twice as many men at the same time and how the new James Bond got that job thanks to the magic of Sienna Miller's career-enhancing vagina but I am not completely obsessed with them either. I actually kind of wish I had written that headline but, no, it was written in something called "The OC Weekly" - "O.C." is what Orange County people would like to be called, because it sounds cooler than Orange County. It's still a lame cousin to L.A. - heck, even the Angels changed their name to "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim" to avoid the Orange County stigma. But even if the place is lame the writer for the magazine came up with a pretty good article. I don't usually endorse other articles here because that would cost me my $.05 on Google AdSense - and I will need to buy a DVD some time in 2009 so I really need that money. But with a subtitle like "Even for battle-worn sluts, genitals are a difficult thing to contend with" it's bound to be a pretty good read. Why didn't I talk about this before Christmas, you ask? I was doing medical research in Tempe, AZ at the Heart Attack Grill. Why? Because some people complained about heart attacks so the Arizona Attorney General asked me to come in and investigate if the food was really that dangerous. Well, it wasn't the Quadruple Bypass Burger or the Flatliner Fries cooked in pure lard that was the culprit, it was the fact that all of the waitresses dress like this: Yes, they are dressed like nurses. I guess people were having heart attacks because they didn't want to damage the self esteem of these girls by not keeling over. Anyway, I am back now, and wanted to be the first to bring you this outstanding "Yes, Vagina, There Is A Santa Claus" article so here is a blurb: Being friends with your exes is generally not encouraged, but it can result in worthy elucidations of your character. Or your genitals. “I need you to tell me what my vagina looks like,” I instant message my most significant and trusted ex-boyfriend. His reply blinks on my screen a few seconds later: “Uhhh . . . like a beautiful flower?” “Less gay,” I implore. “A carburetor,” he deadpans, doubtlessly tittering over the slope of whichever bong is obscuring his computer screen. And then he adds: “If this is about, ‘Do I need a labiaplasty?’ . . . the answer is no.” Go read the rest on your own time.