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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Entertainment Weekly



So I am looking at Sweety's copy of Entertainment Weekly. It has that Superman guy on the cover and he looks very pretty and airbrushed. I have been against this thing from day one because it isn't easy to find a good Superman and they picked this guy for the wrong reasons; namely, how his crotch looks. Most comic book fans are men ... and most men are heterosexual ... so, like the disaster that was George Clooney in Batman, making him gay will not appeal much to the fan base. It will just give me something to joke about for ten years.

"I am not sure this gay Superman thing is going to sell," I mutter.
"Is he gay?" she asks.
"Well, ... "
She stops me. "I am looking for facts here, not 'Oh, they didn't pick me to be Superman so this guy must be gay.' "

Grrrr. I hate that kind of argument. Like I know any facts.

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