The Dear Abby Letter I Want To Write

The Dear Abby Letter I Want To Write I don't know why I read that stuff, but every Sunday I do. So after one particularly annoying letter by a clueless woman, I went through my list of usual responses I would ask if I were Dear Abby, such as; "Excuse me for asking; but are you really, really fat?" When the woman complains she hasn't had sex for 8 years. Then I thought, why not just make up my own letter? Heck, I bet I could do my own weekly column. So here it is. Letter one: Dear Abby, "Jane" and I have been married for nine years. Before that, we lived together for two years. I am 36, she is 34. Jane is a good person. She has a good job, great sense of humor and doesn't drink or cheat on me. So what's my problem? She won't allow anal sex. The sex was great in the beginning of our marriage but in the last six years it has tapered off considerably. Jane says, "Anal sex isn't everything." When I suggested she see a doctor, she flatly refused. When I suggested counseling, all she said was, "No way!" Abby, she has a great butt, so that isn't the problem. I have begged, pleaded, cried and slept on the couch. All to no avail. Am I wrong here? Am I oversexed? Her refusal to let me perform anal sex on her is really getting me down. Do you have any ideas? - Frustrated in Vacaville DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are not oversexed. Your wife has a problem. However, unless she is willing to admit it, and agrees to do something about it, there is nothing you, I or anyone else can do about it. Therefore I suggest counseling - for you. It will help you to objectively evaluate whether or not you can accept living in what is basically a sexless marriage.