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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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The Dear Abby Letter I Want To Write



The Dear Abby Letter I Want To Write



I don't know why I read that stuff, but every Sunday I do. So after one particularly annoying letter by a clueless woman, I went through my list of usual responses I would ask if I were Dear Abby, such as;

"Excuse me for asking; but are you really, really fat?" When the woman complains she hasn't had sex for 8 years.

Then I thought, why not just make up my own letter? Heck, I bet I could do my own weekly column. So here it is. Letter one:

Dear Abby,

"Jane" and I have been married for nine years. Before that, we lived together for two years. I am 36, she is 34. Jane is a good person. She has a good job, great sense of humor and doesn't drink or cheat on me. So what's my problem? She won't allow anal sex. The sex was great in the beginning of our marriage but in the last six years it has tapered off considerably.

Jane says, "Anal sex isn't everything." When I suggested she see a doctor, she flatly refused. When I suggested counseling, all she said was, "No way!" Abby, she has a great butt, so that isn't the problem. I have begged, pleaded, cried and slept on the couch. All to no avail.

Am I wrong here? Am I oversexed? Her refusal to let me perform anal sex on her is really getting me down. Do you have any ideas?
- Frustrated in Vacaville


DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are not oversexed. Your wife has a problem. However, unless she is willing to admit it, and agrees to do something about it, there is nothing you, I or anyone else can do about it. Therefore I suggest counseling - for you. It will help you to objectively evaluate whether or not you can accept living in what is basically a sexless marriage.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 4:40 PM
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The Town In Austria We All Want To Visit



The Town In Austria We All Want To Visit



F**king Austria anyway.

http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?formtype=address&searchtype=address&country=AT&addtohistory=&address=&city=fucking&zipcode

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 2:30 PM
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Best Reason To Live In South Africa



Best Reason To Live In South Africa



Call me crazy, but I'm having trouble seeing the downside here ...

Man forced to have sex at gunpoint
August 25, 2005

Johannesburg: The hunt is on for three women who ambushed a 30-year-old man and forced him to have sex with them at gunpoint. According to police spokeswoman Paula Nothnagel, a case of indecent assault had been opened and identity kits would be released soon. The man cannot be named because of the nature of the offence.

Nothnagel said that on Saturday night the man was walking through Roodepoort when the women pulled up next to him in their maroon BMW. They asked him for directions to the Savoy Hotel and he got into the car to show them the way.

At the hotel the women persuaded him to join them for a drink, before asking him for directions to yet another hotel. While on the road to the Station Hotel the women suddenly changed direction and drove to a dark and empty field near the Durban Deep mine.

"One woman produced a firearm and held the man at gunpoint," Nothnagel said.
"The women got undressed and all three took turns to have intercourse with him."

The man was then ordered back into the car and dropped off along Main Reef Road.
Nothnagel said the man then went home before opening a case at the local police station. The West Rand Family Violence, Child Protection and Sexual Offences Unit is investigating. They suspect the women were all aged between 20 and 30.

Article Here

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 2:16 PM
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Good News For Eastern Europe



Good News For Eastern Europe



There are more abortions than births in post-USSR Russia which means the Balkans and other parts of eastern Europe are free of Soviet aggression for at least another 20 years. Not that the vodka-addled Russian military turned out to be much of a threat anyway but it's nice to know they won't be vomiting on us with overwhelming numbers.

A conspiracy by Putin to bring back the USSR? You never know. Life expectancy is apparently 5 years lower than under the Soviets. But how would you know? It isn't like the Soviets ever told the truth about anything else, so it's hard to imagine them telling the truth about life expectancy or abortions.

Article Here

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 5:53 PM
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Environmental Economics For Dumb People



Environmental Economics For Dumb People



Edmunds.com estimates that the price of gasoline would have to cost at least $5.60 a gallon for hybrid drivers to break even if they drove 15,000 miles a year over five years. How in the world does anyone think that makes more sense?

Folks, this hybrid technology has been around for 70 years and there's a reason it never took off. Because batteries are expensive and they need to be replaced. A lot. So unless you want to pay Europe-like taxes on gasoline and pump the price up to that magical $6 a gallon range, I don't understand the fuss. Environment? Not so much, since those batteries are going into a landfill.

And ignoring the impact on the environment and limiting it to raw economics, hybrids don't make a lot of sense. A case in point is the Honda Civic Hybrid. While the Civic Hybrid managed a long-term vehicle average of 38.3 miles per gallon in Consumer Guide tests, a regular Honda Civic EX model with manual transmission, which is cheaper than the hybrid version, clocked up 32.5 miles per gallon.

With a nearly $2,500 price difference between the two models, this shows you’re not better off with a hybrid. Even over a period of years it takes a long time to make that up-front money back. And that's without factoring in the added cost of insurance on a hybrid or, if you are like most people, the finance charges on that extra $2500.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 4:19 PM
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