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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Where Can I Get In On The Alec Baldwin Relocation Fund?



The Florida Republicans have given Alec Baldwin a one-way ticket to Montreal after he appeared for Democrats in the state. No surprise there, since he stated that he was leaving the country if one Bush got elected as President ... so perhaps another one getting re-elected as Governor will put him over the edge again ... but maybe he has no money because of his crap movies and has just been waiting for free bus fare. Either way, he has what he needs now ... no more excuses, Alec ... you're a man of principles and I suggest you stick by them. How's your French?

And, by the way, I am still going to kick your ass for that remake of "The Getaway." So, if anyone knows where Alec Baldwin is, tell me soon. And if he happens to be rubbing his ass like it just got kicked, it's cool, I found him.

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