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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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So Much For Worries About An Iraqi Embargo



Note to Saddam Hussein: You're a punk. With Venezuela now caving in like a supermodel after snorting cocaine off my genitals, what are the chances your ideals are so intact you will be able to keep your snout out of the US money trough for a whole 30 days? Not very likely ... oil prices plummeted today so all you're gaining is 30 days of lost income. Why aren't your ideals strong enough to do it? Well, you have none ... if you had any, you wouldn't sell us oil ever. That would show us. But without money you can't pay incompetent Red Guard soldiers who are defecting in record rates because of worries over a US invasion ... not just pushing you out of Kuwait this time, but hoisting the Stars and Bars right up over ol' Baghdad.

I think I am going to go fill 'er up ...

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