USA Scientists Extend Universal Dominance, Make Black Holes Their Bitch

A team of scientists led by Rudy Schild at the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics have kicked other countries in the crotch by wrecking the notion of black holes everywhere. Dr. Schild's team suggest in The Astronomical Journal that a quasar they observed is powered by a dense ball of plasma called a MECO (magnetospheric eternally collapsing object)and, since black holes have no magnetic field, black holes would therefore cease to perhaps exist. Governments in Europe immediately rallied to the defense of black holes. It is estimated that authors in at least 15 other countries were working on novels whose scientific premises were based on the existence of black holes and that those science-fiction novels would be in jeopardy if black holes were no longer possible. Other experts contend that if black holes are found to no longer maybe exist, those authors could make emergency revisions and fall back on string theory to satisfy their bullshit science quotas. Sure, it's fine if foreign authors lose some writing time but what impact will this research have on the US science fiction industry? If the US no longer has black holes: 1) Card Walker's family can stop taking grief about his greenlighting the movie that almost ran Disney out of business. His heirs can now say 'if the physics was bad, how could the movie be good'? 2) Smug scientist Kip Thorne will have to stop milking his design for Carl Sagan's Contact to get free beer at college rathskellars. 3) Stephen Hawking will have to make a Fifth Law: we suggest, Oops, those first four were wrong. Scientists outside the US are almost certain to fight in a way their armies cannot. Gerry Gilmore at Cambridge University's Institute for Astronomy said the theory was "almost certainly wrong" and had yet to convince most scientists. Those are fightin' words, for scientists. Still, the most scathing indictment by a a scientist ever came from Wolfgang Pauli, Nobel Prize Winner for 1945 and the guy who helped obliterate Japan in a nuclear holocaust, when he said about a colleague's paper, "This isn't right. It isn't even wrong." Less well known is his quote about Rita Hayworth that same year, "That is oh so right":