Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Bringing you the dark genius of Dostoyevsky
combined with the divine, intelligent humor of Pynchon
since spring 2002


What Cool Scientists Are Wearing



  • Click Here To Get Your Own Cool Science Guy Stuff!
Sites Cool Scientists Are Reading
  • Science & Supermodels
  • Scientific Blogging
  • Build Cool Stuff!
  • We Are Scientists
  • Sex And The Beach
  • The Grunt
  • The Mighty Dyckerson
  • Blog Portland
  • Mo Comedy
  • RevRee
  • Chatoyance
  • Crystal Village
  • Misogynous Portuguese
  • M-Visions
  • Forever Geek
  • Geek Logik
  • Michelle's Spell
  • Issy
Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
  • Subscribe

  • Making the world safe
    for technology,
    one comedic punch
    to the throat at a time.


  • Add to Technorati Favorites!
  • Subscribe in NewsGator Online
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

Previous Scientific Goodness

  • Quick Scientific Hits

  • Teenage Scientists Have Redefined Sex In Order To ...

  • Attention Supermodels

  • When Bad Science Hurts Good Women

  • Moon Landing Footage "Missing", Replaced With Epis...

  • Zany Scientists Make World's Most Expensive Pair O...

  • Scientists Reverse Evolution, Reconstruct Ancient ...

  • From Wondermark

  • Important Dating News For Our Young Male Scientist...

  • Parting The Red Sea - Science Explains That ( And ...

Blah, Blah, Blah

  • Subscribe in NewsGator Online
  • unique IPs to-date
  • Top Technology Blogs
  • Site Feed
  • iPing-it!
  • Listed on BlogShares

  • Other Places
    To Find Me

    Powered by Blogger

USA Scientists Extend Universal Dominance, Make Black Holes Their Bitch



A team of scientists led by Rudy Schild at the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics have kicked other countries in the crotch by wrecking the notion of black holes everywhere. Dr. Schild's team suggest in The Astronomical Journal that a quasar they observed is powered by a dense ball of plasma called a MECO (magnetospheric eternally collapsing object)and, since black holes have no magnetic field, black holes would therefore cease to perhaps exist.

Governments in Europe immediately rallied to the defense of black holes. It is estimated that authors in at least 15 other countries were working on novels whose scientific premises were based on the existence of black holes and that those science-fiction novels would be in jeopardy if black holes were no longer possible. Other experts contend that if black holes are found to no longer maybe exist, those authors could make emergency revisions and fall back on string theory to satisfy their bullshit science quotas.

Sure, it's fine if foreign authors lose some writing time but what impact will this research have on the US science fiction industry?

If the US no longer has black holes:

1) Card Walker's family can stop taking grief about his greenlighting the movie that almost ran Disney out of business. His heirs can now say 'if the physics was bad, how could the movie be good'?

2) Smug scientist Kip Thorne will have to stop milking his design for Carl Sagan's Contact to get free beer at college rathskellars.

3) Stephen Hawking will have to make a Fifth Law: we suggest, Oops, those first four were wrong.

Scientists outside the US are almost certain to fight in a way their armies cannot. Gerry Gilmore at Cambridge University's Institute for Astronomy said the theory was "almost certainly wrong" and had yet to convince most scientists.

Those are fightin' words, for scientists. Still, the most scathing indictment by a a scientist ever came from Wolfgang Pauli, Nobel Prize Winner for 1945 and the guy who helped obliterate Japan in a nuclear holocaust, when he said about a colleague's paper, "This isn't right. It isn't even wrong."

Less well known is his quote about Rita Hayworth that same year, "That is oh so right":

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 12:01 PM
Email This Cutting-Edge Humor
Direct Link This Post
or Add to del.icio.us or even Digg me.
3 attempts to be as funny as a scientist


Comments on "USA Scientists Extend Universal Dominance, Make Black Holes Their Bitch"

 

Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said ... (4:23 PM) : 

Oh, the universe has black holes alright. You needn't look any further than Star Jones' ass.

 

Blogger The Grunt said ... (9:07 PM) : 

I like how you use positive reinforcement to teach science, Cash. Thanks for the Rita!

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:18 PM) : 

I sure am going to miss Star Jones jokes. I bet there's nothing at all about Rosie O'Donnell we can ridicule.

 

post a comment