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... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Moon Landing Footage "Missing", Replaced With Episode Of Futurama*



Almost any kid today can spot bad CGI a mile away. Have a kid watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark, for example and, when that fighter plane crashes into the tunnel, kids will start giggling because it looks so fake to them.

How is this possible? Eyes are trained by experience like anything else and special effects are a lot better today.

This is why NASA now has to pretend they lost the footage from the original moon landing.

There are two things that all scientists know: first is that Adolf Hitler was an avatar of Vishnu and is even now communing with Hyperborean gods in an underground Antarctic base from which he will lead a fleet of UFOs to establish the Fourth Reich; and second is that the moon landings never really happened.

Sure, they showed stuff on TV but NASA had an excuse for the odd visual quality even then - their equipment was not "compatible" with the TV technology of the day, they said, so the original transmissions had to be displayed on a monitor and reshot by a TV camera for broadcast.

"We've got all the data. Everything on the tapes we have in one form or another," NASA spokesman Grey Hautaloma said. Uh-huh. I guess we'll just go ahead and drink your Kool-Aid then, Grey. How does one lose 700 boxes of precious film of the most important scientific achievement of the U.S. space program anyway? Hautaloma then said it is possible the tapes will be unplayable if they are found because they have deteriorated over the years -- a problem common to magnetic tape, he notes. How very convenient.

Since we're dealing with how technology can make us believe almost anything these days, I submit these pictures of Heidi Klum in September's Esquire magazine:

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Okay, Nazi aliens are in a remote Arctic base and a group of guys with the computing horsepower of a Commodore 64 put a man on the moon? Maybe I can buy that. But asking me to believe Heidi Klum looks like this without an airbrush is too much to ask.



*Which Futurama episode did they find in its place? "Roswell That Ends Well" the one where the crew is mysteriously flung back in time to 1947 and President Truman orders that Zoidberg be taken to Area 51 for study. When they tell him that Area 51 will be used for the fake moon landing, he orders that NASA be invented for that instead.

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Comments on "Moon Landing Footage "Missing", Replaced With Episode Of Futurama*"

 

Blogger The Grunt said ... (10:53 PM) : 

Wawawah! Hello Heidi!!!

So, are you saying that you don't believe the hype? I would love to take a piss on the Moon someday. That would be epic.

 

Blogger Chris Wilson said ... (6:36 AM) : 

Wow, you are in a foul mood today. Loose a few boxes of tapes and you piss all over Heidi Klum. I'm going to have to consol Heidi now.

 

Blogger Miss Gossip said ... (1:20 PM) : 

Little known fact: Heidi Klum is 85 years old. It's amazing what they can do with photo retouching these days.

 

Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said ... (4:01 PM) : 

Your blog's formatting is really fucked up in Firefox.

 

Blogger jinx protocol said ... (8:30 PM) : 

We couldn't actually eat the cheese if you peed on it, the grunt. You should probably find a Commodore 64 and micturate on that, cause it blows.

 

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