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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Ted Turner Cares About Everyone, Unless He Has To Pay Taxes



He moved to Florida recently because that state has no income tax. He had been living there for a while but remained a Georgia resident because he wanted to retain appearances as head of TBS and CNN, both strongly linked to Georgia.

Turner announced Wednesday he will resign as vice chair of AOL Time Warner Inc. so he no longer needs that pretense. Especially if it will cost him a little money and help poor people in Georgia.

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Abortion Doctors Numbers Dwindling



We know that abortions are cash cows for doctors, averaging $400 each that's not paid through insurance but rather out of pocket. Why would the number of abortion doctors be dropping? Clearly they all know how to do it ...

So why are doctors forgoing this safe, legal, profitable venture? Because the same technology that has made abortion safer, easier, and quicker, has also dramatically changed the relationship between the physician and the fetus.

In the early 1970's, when the Supreme Court considered Roe v. Wade , the womb was very much a black box. No one knew for certain what was going on in there. Obstetrical ultrasounds were crude research tools rather than a routine part of prenatal care. The earliest a premature baby could be expected to survive in the outside world was 24 weeks. Obstetricians tended to view pregnancy, especially early pregnancy, as a disease state, and their only patient the mother.

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Ivory Coast Protesters Want France To Leave And the US To Invade



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Ivory Coast's peace accord neared collapse on Wednesday as several political parties joined the army to oppose giving key ministries to rebels under a deal that has ignited ethnic clashes and anti-French riots.

Former colonial power France, which brokered the agreement and has sent 2,500 soldiers to the West African country, said it was ready to evacuate thousands of its citizens. Hundreds started to make their own way out on chartered planes.

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The EU Says Every Pigsty In Europe Must Have a Toy



Secretly you have to know that British farmers wonder if it's too late to get into NAFTA.

The new ruling from Brussels, which is to become law in Britain next week, is to keep pigs happy and prevent them chewing each other. Official instructions to farmers are to give pigs ?environmental enrichment? by providing ?manipulable material?, which the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs last night defined as balls.

No wonder Europe can't even consider protecting the world from homocidal dictators gathering NBC weapons ... they're busy writing regulations like this.

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Modern Art Used As Torture



A Spanish art historian has uncovered what was alleged to be the first use of modern art as a deliberate form of torture, with the discovery that mind-bending prison cells were built by anarchist artists 65 years ago during the country's bloody civil war.

Heck, we all knew that ... no one except some NEA people and women who own a lot of cats bother to look at the stuff.

The cells, built in 1938 and reportedly hidden from foreign journalists who visited the makeshift jails on Vallmajor and Saragossa streets, were as inspired by ideas of geometric abstraction and surrealism as they were by avant garde art theories on the psychological properties of colours.

Beds were placed at a 20 degree angle, making them near- impossible to sleep on, and the floors of the 6ft by 3ft cells was scattered with bricks and other geometric blocks to prevent prisoners from walking backwards and forwards.

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Danish Children Have A Friendly Game of Nazis and Jews



Not that Europe is anti-Semitic or anything ... but their unqualified support of Palestinian terrorists and lack of willingness to stand up to Arab dictators rings a little hollow when you read stories like this.

Most interesting is the statement from Jes Imer, of the scout organization that gave the 'Jews' Stars of David and wrote "Arbeit macht frei," or "Work will set you free" on signs. That's the infamous inscription over the entrance to the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland, if you didn't know. There were also swastikas on the windows of the school.

Imer's response: "I don't know whether I should apologize. I didn't want the game to hurt anyone."

Glad to hear you didn't think Jews would be hurt by your fun and games, Jes.

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Hunter Shot By Dog



I don't even need to add anything to that sentence. It's almost perfect as is ... but read the story for yourself.

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English Farmer Tony Martin Denied Parole Because He Is A Danger To Burglars



The British, unsure of why their crime rate has risen 40% in the last three years, cannot seem to see the obvious. In Britain the criminals have more rights than the victims. To wit, Tony Martin's case is in the news again because he was denied parole. Why? Because he might kill a burglar trying to break into his house again.

Originally, Martin was sentenced to life imprisonment. An appeals court reduced his sentence to manslaughter, which only carried a five year penalty ... yet a parole board had an option of letting him out early and chose not to because they aren't convinced burglars who might try to break into his home can do so safely.

What the court does not take into account was that he had already been burgled seven times. A few months prior to the shooting which sent him to jail he lost $9000 worth of furniture to criminals.

Fred Barras, the now-dead criminal who saw Martin as an easy target, was an experienced burglar and already had 29 convictions. Strangely, the British did not see fit to put him in jail, but apparently Martin is more of a criminal for having a gun and using it to protect his home than Barras for his 29 convictions.

So British courts have made a choice -- the rights of a gypsy burglar with 29 convictions means more than the rights of a lonely farmer who had been assaulted multiple times ... because the farmer used a firearm he "was not entitled to have" according to Lord Woolf, Court of Appeal judge.

I would like to state here, publicly, that I, too, am a danger to burglars. British liberals think we need to become 'part of the 21st century' ... if that means letting criminals hurt me in the name of their social engineering, I'll stay old-fashioned.

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Hollywood About To Pay The Price For Adoring Europe



Hollywood adores everyone in Europe because they all live in tiny countries so, unlike the US, they have to know where every other country is ... and they have to speak multiple languages because no one outside their respective countries wants to Flemish or Walloon.

We'll see how the tune changes since the EU juggernaut in Brussels is now investigating how television rights for movies are negotiated. This also means they will want a piece of the pie, you can be sure. Since so many stars get more money based on international rights, this will impact their bottom line ... and they can't tell the rest of America what to do unless they have a lot of money in order to be exempt from the requirements they want to heap on everyone else ...

You see, the EU says it is concerned about competition. What that means is that they're concerned about establishing a preference for big EU countries ... which is why Polish farmers joining the EU have been told their milk is not 'good enough' to be sold in other countries while German farmers get such a large subsidy they can produce milk in Germany and ship it to Poland and sell it cheaper than local Poles can produce it and sell it.

See how this works? 'Competition' means they want to insure they a local broadcaster or media company actually has an advantage.

That may not make sense to you and me ... it would sound like the absence of competition, but of course we're not European.

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