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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Tolerance



So the little woman and I are driving down the road and "Hammer and a Nail" is up on the CD.

"Is this the Dixie Chicks?" she asks.

"Blixie Chicks?? Of course not. I have better taste than that."

She deftly ignores the implied insult.

"It's the Indigo Girls," I tell her. "Homosexuals, you know. Shows my tolerance."

"Yes," she replies, "I have noticed you're very tolerant of homosexuals. As long as they're lesbians."

"And one of them is Janine Lindemulder," I add. "We need to be clear on that."

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